So, picture the scene. You’re sat, (or stood even) in front of your screen, whether that be a laptop, computer, smartphone or even the handy iPad tablet. You scroll through the endless pages upon pages of internet supplied professional dominatrices to choose from, starstruck by how stunning they appear before you. Finally, you settle on the perfect pro-domme in which to get your overwhelming fantasy’s urges met. Her super sexy and alluring website-based photographs making you uncontrollably drool over the keypad before you, imagining yourself in her presence. But now comes the tricky part; how best to speak to these amazing goddesses in human form. Before you get too lost into fantasy lane, it’s worth remembering the priority factor. You’re still speaking to a fellow human being, as pro-dommes are fully functioning business owners and not charity organisations.
Behind the outstanding stunning digital portraits and perfected dialogue is a hard-working individual, who has dedicated most of their time (if not all of it) to organising the perfect experience for you as a paying submissive client. In a world where the UK government seeks to drive the kink, fetish and BDSM community further underground than ever before, it’s now more important than ever that the time of a professional dominatrix is not squirreled away on hoax business enquiries. Naturally you’re never going to completely eradicate the timewasters, (or ‘keyboard masturbators’ as I like to refer to them). Having said that, it’s important never to get mistaken as a timewaster even if you’re a genuine paying client, which is far easier to do than anyone realises. With that thought in mind, I felt it may be appropriate to offer up some helpful hints and tips to those wishing to approach a pro-domme for sessions as it will conclusively help both parties to achieve their aims.
Firstly, before you even think about calling a pro-domme’s phone number or sending them an email, you need to ensure that you’ve fully studied their website from top to bottom. Find out what makes the pro-domme tick, not to mention their financial rates, plus operating times and dates of when they conduct their business. If a pro-domme states that they only work between say 9am-9pm Monday to Friday, don’t then request a session which would start at say 10pm on a Saturday. It may sound patronising to you dear reader, but it’s surprising how often clients will make contact with a pro-domme thinking that they will see clients outside of their stated opening hours. Any self-respecting dominatrix will have their basic information listed on their website, so please don’t ask the pro-domme for information which is clearly listed on their website. This is usually the first signs of a timewaster when the email communications ask “what times do you operate between Mistress”?
A message like that would go straight into the delete folder without a backwards glance, so it always pays to do your research folks. As the old saying goes “happy dommes mean happy submissives”, or in other words “treat everyone like you would want to treat yourself”. If you’re not acting idiotic towards the pro-domme, the pro-domme will be courteous and respectful towards you. Which brings me neatly onto my second piece of advice, which is that an email should be constructed carefully and respectfully. One liner’s, single word replies and even my favourite “I wish to worship you Mistress” are all guaranteed conversation killers. Think of contacting a pro-domme as like constructing a building. You wouldn’t go in straight away to a construction project for fitting the roof for example. First you stabilise and pour the foundations, then lay out the floor, then walls, then electric and plumbing etc.
If you immediately went into full fantasy mode on the first message, the pro-domme will see through you instantly as a timewaster. Also as an added point to mention, but if you find a pro-domme through their social media pages and they don’t have a professional website linked to said pages, disengage and walk away immediately. This is sadly how the majority of submissive clients end up getting scammed as they trust that the so called pro-domme is a real person and not having their social media accounts cloned. This has indeed happened to me in the past, as I learned to my horror a few years ago that some pathetic loser out there in cyberspace had cloned my X account to precure scam payments from unsuspecting submissive clients for their own ends. The way to check if you’re talking to the real domme or not is too contact them another way which isn’t via social media.
So for example, my X page before it was taken down went by the name of @M_Sophie93. No two X handles are the same, (a bit like in the same way as vehicle registration numbers). So if an identical account (say my own) appeared with images, links and bio for example, unless it said @M_Sophie93 underneath it was a fake cloned account. The pathetic loser that I speak of was operating under the name of @Albeittony or something to that effect, which I’d been told about because a client had got in touch with me via my website to ask if this was my own page. Thankfully I was able to inform said client that the account was not my own, so they were indeed grateful that I’d prevented them from being scammed by a fake account. In a world where A.I, scammers and con artists lurk around every corner it’s important now more than ever to double check who it is that you’re speaking with.
If a pro-domme has a website it means that they’ve had to put time, energy and most importantly money into said website so they are far less likely to scam you. While I’m on the subject of constructive advice, I wish to expose the overly large elephant in the room. The name of this titanic elephant is called the Online Safety Act, which came into effect in 2025. In short this was a law brought out by the UK government to safeguard children and vulnerable people online from viewing or downloading harmful content. I’d be the first to say that absolutely, children and vulnerable individuals should be being protected online as they cannot make their own decisions or judgements surrounding sensitive content. (“You can’t police someone’s fantasies” as the saying goes). So I fully support the UK governments stance on protecting the underaged and vulnerable population from harmful content online.
A close family member of mine even worked with children for over two decades, so they were able to give me the full ins and outs of what goes into safeguarding the most vulnerable members of our society. Like with all legislation however, there was always going to be victims. The introduction of the Online Safety Act meant that in the space of twenty-four hours professional dommes, anyone producing or advertising fetish, BDSM and kink content was about as welcome on the internet as a wasp at a picnic. Some of you may be reading this while subsequently rolling your eyes and crossly murmuring under your breath “yeah tell me about it, I had a platform status of several thousand followers and a healthy business which has now been utterly exterminated in one night”. This was the case with myself, as I’d hit well over 1000 followers on X before my account was taken down due to displaying quote “images of a sexual nature”.
As social media platforms continue to erode perfectly decent and hard working pro-domme profiles, it’s worth pointing out that not all hope is lost. There is still a way of finding a pro-domme on the internet without relying on social media to do so. “How can you do that” you may ask? Well it’s quite simple my darlings, as many pro-dommes are now turning to online kink directories to be found by submissives. I myself am part of at least two which go by the names of ‘Elite Mistresses’ and ‘Professional Mistresses’. Alas trying to find these websites can still be a challenge, as there’s a small but very significant internet loophole which goes by the name of ‘safe mode’. To cut a long story short (without boring you to death with all the techno babble), unless you can prove that you’re over the age of eighteen anything which is considered as adult material (which includes pro-domme websites) are hidden behind an A.I algorithm.
The A.I algorithm can be broken down and dismantled however by a simple tweak of your online protection via the internet browser settings page. Take the mighty Google for example, the worldwide reliable search engine which has dominated our internet screens for decades providing us all with everything useful from today weather forecasts to how not to blow up an egg in a microwave. I guarantee you now that if you were to type in anything into the search engine which was kink related aka ‘FetLife’ for example, the website link would fail to appear. Why? Because this is the A.I algorithm which automatically assumes that the searcher is under eighteen years of age and cannot be exposed to sexually related content. However if you were to log into your Google page using your email address, then the tables suddenly turn. Once you log in via your email address, the barriers stating that you’re under eighteen years old suddenly evaporate into thin air.
Even though you’ve logged into your internet search engine with your email address, that’s not entirely the end of the story. In order to gain access to the wonderful world of kink, fetish and BDSM without those annoying A.I bots clogging up your internet feed, you’ll need to locate your internet settings. This is where safe mode comes into the fray, as it will give you a choice of ‘filter’, ‘block’ or ‘allow full access’. Naturally the option that you want to select is ‘allow full access’ aka ‘all blocks off’, because otherwise certain kink related sites will still be stuck hidden behind the online safety firewall. So it’s worth remembering folks, when searching for anything kink related make sure to log in to your search engine page with your email address as that way you stand a far better chance of viewing all those fabulous pro-dommes out there. So by this point, you’ve finally achieved the aim of your mission of selecting the pro-domme of your choice to session with.
Now all that matters is how you approach said pro-domme, which is where the power of words comes into play. Even at this stage it’s still easy to be labelled as a timewaster, providing how you write to the pro-domme to request for their time and energy. In short you want to keep things business like and to the point, but yet add a little complementary statement every now and then. Don’t attempt to flirt with a pro-domme, as that’ll just make you look silly and borderline creepy. A professional dominatrix is a woman of business first, not a girlfriend or romantic partner. The sort of complimentary lines I would use in an initial email would be something like “your website is very clear, precise and easy to navigate” or “you’re writing truly inspired me Mistress, thank you”. These are guaranteed words which will make a pro-domme sit up and pay close attention to your session enquiry.
(Bonus points if you quote their work from their website or social media pages, as it shows the pro-domme that you’ve taken the time to do your homework on them). When it comes to lines not to say, statements such as “you’re so sexy Mistress” and “you’re so hot Mistress without any clothes on” are the fastest ways of getting transferred from the enquiry email pile to the spam delete folder. It’s like being on a date with someone for the first time. Yes, you may choose to compliment your date’s choice of clothing. But if you then stated straight afterwards “I’m picturing what you’d look like without it on”, it’s not going to instil much faith in your partner. (Especially after you’ve only just met them for the first time, because that just makes you look like you’re after sex and nothing else). It’s the same with seeing a pro-domme; after all, you’re building a working relationship with another human being.
A stable level-headed professional dominatrix will get to know their clients over time, as they will put in the work to get to know them as a regular paying submissive. This again is the beauty of viewing a pro-domme’s website/profile through your internet screen. You’re not just building a picture of what you’d look like serving said dominatrix, you’re also taking your time to choose wisely. When buying any product whether that be on the internet, in a shop or even at a car boot sale most of us will instinctively always go for what’s easiest. Buy cheap and quickly as they say, although that’s not always the best route to take. Take some time to check out the reviews, rather than just how much it would cost you in the pocket. There’s a highly likely chance that the rates of a pro-domme will differ depending on their location, what kinks they perform, as well as their overall experience level.
Naturally you’re going to get the pro-dommes which immediately demand say £500 per hour because they are in a city location or else highly skilled. If you a client who only earns say minimum wage, a £500 per hour pro-domme is going to decimate your finances in no time. Although this is where you would start to explore around a bit more. If you wished to be more regular with your fantasies, then say seeing a pro-domme for a two-hour session at a grand total of £250 is going to be more appealing to you than their £500 per hour counterpart. Now that doesn’t mean to say you should poo-poo the idea of sessioning with a £500 per hour pro-domme, as many of them are highly talented at their craft. So please don’t be running away with the idea that you shouldn’t see a cheaper pro-domme just because you think that they’re not worth the paper their written on.
Getting back to the subject of how to write your perfect initial message, here’s an excellent example of an enquiry email I was sent a whole ago now. The client who wrote this later went on to see me for three sessions, who sadly had to stop due to his failing health and dwindling funds. We had a wonderful time exploring his kinks during the three sessions together, but I wanted to share his first ever email with you so that you’ve all got an excellent idea of how best to word an email to a pro-domme when making contact with them.
Dear Mistress Sophie,
I wish to session with you please Mistress Sophie.
Pardon my forwardness my lady, but I wanted to start by saying that I’m truly in awe of you and hope that you’re having a pleasant day today. I came across your website while looking for pro-dommes local to myself here in Hertfordshire, as I had no idea that such a talent dominatrix was on my doorstep. I was most impressed by your blog writing pieces and website presentation overall, as it was easy to understand and directed me to the vital information no questions asked. I am hoping to see you for a (hour) session on a (date and time of session) this (day/week/month) which includes (kinks of choice for said session). I have no medical conditions to speak of, although my hard limits are (list hard limits).
Thank you for your time today Mistress Sophie, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Yours Sincerely
Submissive C
It’s worth pointing out that if a client had sent me a message like the one you’ve seen listed above, I’d be immediately ecstatic and willing to reply straight away. This is the sort of message which a client has taken the time to write properly and address the pro-domme by their appropriate title, so my typical response time on a message like this is more than likely to be within a matter of hours. (Sometimes I may be quicker at replying to messages/emails depending on whether I’m with a client or not). Although it’s worth remembering that if I don’t reply to your message within twenty-four hours it’s either because I’m super busy. Or that I’ve replied to you already and my reply to you has been redirected to your spam/bin folder rather than the main inbox. Now that we’ve canvassed the areas of initial interactions and constructing a respectful email, it’s now time to get onto the next stage of the process; payment.
Ah alas my friends, I’ve mentioned the dreaded ‘P’ word. But it’s still an important point to mention when it comes to the matter of booking up to see a pro-domme. A helpful piece of advice I can give you my darlings is this. Always ensure that you’re got your funds for the session ready to go when you send your session enquiry email. Don’t send an enquiry email if you’ve not got the means to pay for it, as this will make you look like a timewaster to a pro-domme. Time is money as the old saying goes; so it’s always a good idea to clarify that you have your debit card and money all sorted out ready for when the email/message from the pro-domme drops into your inbox with their bank details for your session deposit payment. Naturally we can’t help the circumstances like, “I don’t get paid until the end of the week” or “I’ve got a few bills coming out so I need to make sure that the money is in my account”.
With the greatest of respects guys, but sadly these are the same excuses used by timewasters to avoid paying any money to a pro-domme. So in retrospect it’s just best to save making any enquiries to see a pro-domme until you know that you’re in a financially stable position to do so. Session deposits could be put towards several elements which must be put in place before a session even begins. For example, when my own clients make session deposit payments it goes towards hiring my dungeon space for the session, makeup essentials, clothing etc. A common question that I get asked is “do you accept deposit cash payments”? The answer to this is yes, but it’s only an option which I leave open for regular clients and not first timers. So if you are a first-time client of mine, you will need to take into consideration that I’ll expect a bank transferred deposit payment before I initiate any further communications with you.
In retrospect it’s understandable why a client would request to make full cash payments. Clients can be restrained by strict financial observation, aka a shared bank account with multiple viewers. They could be fearful that large sums of money leaving their account all at once would trigger a considerable number of awkward conversations with said client’s family or friends. In some examples I’ve come across one client who was under a lasting power of attorney, indicating that their money was being monitored by others. My best advice there is to make small but rather discrete cash withdrawals every so often, which can be added together over time to make up an overall session payment. This way anyone who only monitored a bank account on a short-term basis would be hard pressed to witness a large sum of money disappearing over a considerable period.
Naturally in an ideal world a client wouldn’t need to hide their money or business transactions, as they’re family and friends would fully support them in their kink lifestyle. But as kink is still such a taboo subject with the vast majority of society, it’s going to take a long time until such matters can be discussed openly within the household. So you’ve managed to sort out your deposit payment, you’ve been sent your session information by text or email from the pro-domme and now there’s the act of attending the session itself. By far one of the most common questions that I get asked from submissive clients is “what should I wear to a session”? You never get a second chance to make a first impression as they say, so the same goes for when meeting a pro-domme. Now I’m not suggesting that you show up to your session in a tuxedo and tailcoat while perching a top hat on your head.
That would be ridiculous and immediately draw attention to yourself, which is the number one element you don’t want to do. Many pro-dommes operate from dungeons or their own personal homes, which are normally in built up areas and overlooked by neighbours. Trust me when I tell you this, but a pro-domme would not smile kindly on you if you showed up in anything remotely kink related. The list of fetish and kink related clothing is too long to list here, so if you’re in doubt about what constitutes as kink or fetish related clothing then please ask around among the kink community. Or if need by, you can always consult the pro-domme that you’re going to visit for your session. So the number one rule goes that you arrive to your session in vanilla clothing and depart in vanilla clothing. Many a pro-domme also operate their business without the knowledge of their neighbours, so you risk exposing the pro-dommes line of work if you show up in kink related clothing.
It’s certainly true that you could saunter down a city street in say London, Birmingham or even Manchester in your latex gimp suit whilst sporting an accompanying collar and lead without even so much of a backwards glance or the odd occasional raised eyebrow. But repeating the same stunt in an urban residential area outside the city limits in full view of a pro-dommes private living space will not go down well at all. That doesn’t mean to say that every pro-domme would condemn your actions of placing your kinks on full display. But as the famous wording goes, it’s always best to err on the side of caution especially if you’ve never seen said pro-domme before. So there you have it; some truly helpful hints and tips for all you lovely submissive clients out there on how best to approach a pro-domme for booking a session with them. Now comes the part where you’re asking how you can get in touch with me for a session.
By far the best way is via my website at www.mistresssophieofhertfordshire.co.uk. My website also contains my other links to my throne page and also BlueSky account. Thanks for reading folks, and as always, stay kinky.
My best wishes to you all
Mistress Sophie Of Hertfordshire
